This month, I want to reflect on a parenting ideal I once held tightly but have since learned to reimagine—family dinners. When I became a parent ten years ago, I envisioned us gathering around the table each evening for a warm, bonding experience. But despite countless attempts, the reality in our home looks very different.
Instead of leisurely shared meals, dinner in our house is often a fast-paced, energetic event—lasting about 37 seconds and featuring mini trampoline jumps or laps around the kitchen island between bites. I’ve come to embrace the fact that, due to stimulant medications wearing off in the late afternoon, this is often the best window for my kids to refuel. If dinner happens at 4:30 PM for my neurodivergent child, we often offer a bedtime snack to help sustain them through the night.
Making separate meals to accommodate food sensitivities and strong preferences has also become part of our norm—an experience many neurodivergent families share. Research supports what many of us already know firsthand: neurodivergent children, particularly autistic children, are 5x more likely to experience mealtime challenges, such as selective eating, sensory sensitivities, and ritualistic behaviors, like keeping foods from touching. Anxiety and inflexibility also play a role, making traditional mealtime expectations unrealistic.
It likely comes as no surprise that children are less inclined to eat when mealtime becomes a power struggle. Food choices are one of the few areas where children can exert autonomy, and it’s essential that we, as parents, don’t inadvertently escalate mealtime stress with our own anxieties—whether about calorie intake or enforcing rigid expectations (“just two more bites!”).
Creating a Lower-Stress Mealtime Experience
👀✋Minimize Distractions: ADHD children, in particular, can find it challenging to focus during meals. Clearing the table of books and toys can help, and playing music or a podcast in the background can engage their minds while allowing them to eat more comfortably.
📜🍽️ Restaurant-Style Menu: Providing a visual “menu” of parent-approved choices gives children autonomy while reinforcing trust as they see their preferred meal being prepared.
🥤🥑 Alternative & Atypical Approaches to Meal Planning: If your child resists eating a variety of foods, smoothies can be an excellent way to incorporate nutrients. Blending greens like spinach, romaine, or avocado into a smoothie can camouflage flavors while maintaining nutritional value. If your child prefers breakfast foods, offering protein and fiber-rich options—such as scrambled eggs with cheese or homemade muffins—can be a great alternative to traditional dinner options.
Though I sometimes still feel a pang of loss for the family dinners I once envisioned, I’ve come to realize that meaningful connection doesn’t have to happen around the table at 6 PM. Instead, we find our moments of togetherness through dance parties, hikes, and board games—activities that foster the same bonding and joy in a way that fits our family’s unique rhythm.
If mealtime isn’t the picture-perfect experience you once imagined, I encourage you to redefine what family connection looks like for you. Find what works, embrace it fully, and let go of what doesn’t. And if you’d like, I’d love to see a photo of how your family spends quality time together—whether at the dinner table or beyond!
1. Autism Speaks – Autism and Food Aversions: 7 Ways to Help a Picky Eater.
