Happy 2025! As we step into a fresh year, I want to take a moment to unpack two pieces of advice that we, as parents of neurodivergent children, may encounter often. First, the importance of creating the conditions for our kids’ nervous systems to stay regulated, and second, the nuanced conversation around using medication to support our children.
Why Are Structure, Routine, and Predictability So Important for Our Kids?
The simplest reason is that predictability helps regulate your child’s nervous system. When things feel predictable, kids let their guard down. This creates a sense of safety and opens the door for learning, growth, and problem-solving. In Jonathan Haidt’s book, The Anxious Generation, he describes this mindset as “discover mode”—where curiosity and possibility flourish—as opposed to “defend mode,” where the nervous system is on high alert, focused on guarding against perceived threats.
The more we create opportunities for our children’s nervous systems to stay balanced—reflected in calm breathing, steady heart rates, and focused minds—the more we set the stage for growth. Neurodivergent kids, often laser-focused and concrete thinkers, may struggle to notice subtle social cues, like a friend’s bid for connection or a chance to resolve conflict through compromise. When their nervous systems are regulated, they’re better equipped to recognize these moments as opportunities for connection and learning, rather than perceiving them as threats.
What Does “Medicate Before 8” Mean?
This phrase came to me years ago from a highly respected, board-certified psychiatrist who worked with our family. At the time, our family’s approach to help our AuDHD son was to start conservatively: occupational therapy, 1:1 talk therapy, and a social skills group for him, and parent coaching for us. We only considered medication as an option when other interventions reached their limits. Our decision to add medication came when our son turned eight, and I’ve since learned why this age can be pivotal.
Around age eight, children experience a surge of adrenal hormones, known as adrenarche, which prepares them for the changes of puberty in the years ahead. This hormonal shift can significantly impact how kids manage and express their emotions. While all children go through this stage, neurodivergent kids are often more sensitive to its effects. On top of that, second and third graders typically become more self-aware around this age, and this is often when neurodivergent children start to notice how their brain differences set them apart from peers instead of similar to their peers.
This combination of hormonal shifts and growing self-awareness can lead to mood swings, big emotional outbursts, or internalized behaviors like anxiety and perfectionism. Reflecting back, I believe our psychiatrist’s advice to “medicate before 8” stemmed from the idea that supporting a child’s regulation during this sensitive developmental period can make a significant difference.
A Final Thought
If there’s one takeaway I’d love to leave with you, it’s this: Parenting a neurodivergent child takes curiosity, insight, creativity, and a willingness to adapt. What worked yesterday, last month, or last year may need to shift to meet your child’s evolving needs. By staying curious and open, we can uncover the strategies that support both our children and ourselves.
Feeling stuck or unsure where to start? Let’s tackle it together. Reach out, or schedule a call with me here and let’s embark on this journey to support your child and empower your parenting.
Wishing you and your family a year filled with growth, connection, and possibility.
